Chapter 12.
Other Significant Events in the Calendar
The Israelite calendar takes on a personal aspect in the Torah as well, though it always relates to the community as a whole.
Each baby boy is circumcised on the eighth day of his life. (Leviticus 12:3) There are many pictures in this. Like the eighth day of Sukkoth, it is a symbol of the sealing and continuation of the Sabbath cycle after it is complete. Like the Sabbath, circumcision (milah in Hebrew) is called a sign of covenant with YHWH. (Genesis 17:11) This sign is right in our flesh, so it is always with us as a reminder.
The Hebrew word for covenant (b'rit) is used thirteen times in Scripture in connection with circumcision, so the act of circumcision is commonly called b'rit milah. No male who is uncircumcised is permitted to eat of the Passover meal. (Exodus 12:44-48)
YHWH commanded this procedure long before the Torah was given to Moshe. It was given to Avraham before he even had any sons to circumcise. (Genesis 17:11-14) It is a picture of a deeper, more figurative, circumcision--that of our hearts (Deut. 10:16)--that is, the removal of whatever makes us callous and insensitive toward YHWH and one another. This applies to more than just males.
In Jewish tradition, only if a child is born premature or is especially weak or sickly, would the circumcision be postponed. (Actually, the body's blood-clotting and healing mechanisms are at their lifelong peak on the eighth day of his life.) If one should be circumcised at the hospital prior to the eighth day, there is a special ceremony on the eighth day anyway, with some additional blood being drawn, just as would be done for someone who had been circumcised for merely medical reasons and then later converted to Judaism.
The circumcision is usually done at the synagogue, but the night before, the seat of Eliyahu (Elijah) is brought from the synagogue to the home of the infant's family to be decorated, then returned to the synagogue in the morning, based on the tradition that Eliyahu is present at every circumcision. There are witnesses other than the family present at a circumcision, and some of them take on special roles in the child's life, such as promising to be responsible for the child should his parents die while he is young. The circumcision itself is performed by a specially-trained person called a mohel, who uses a sharp instrument called an izmel. In ancient times, a piece of flint was used. Contrary to what many people expect, flint can actually be made sharper than most modern instruments, minimizing the pain.
The blessing in Genesis 48:20 is given to the boy being circumcised. In Moroccan tradition, a bowl of sand is placed near the mohel in which to place the foreskin after it is severed, as a reminder of the promise to Avraham that his seed would be as abundant as the sand.
A circumcision is done right after morning prayers, even on feast days, but on fast days, the celebratory meal is held after the fast is broken. At Sukkoth, a circumcision would not be done in the sukkah itself, but the celebratory meal would be held there. Yahshua mentioned the fact that circumcision is even carried out on the Sabbath. (Yochanan/John 7:22)
At Congregation Beth Lechem, we circumcise our sons on the eighth day according to the command. We do not yet have our own mohel, so we have had the circumcisions done at doctors' offices, and when possible, we hire a Jewish doctor. In some cases the doctor has allowed the father of the boy to participate in the circumcision. As many as possible from the congregation, both men and women, attend the ceremony.
But to know when the baby's eighth day is, we also have to mark the day of his birth. Some consider the celebration of birthdays to be pagan, based on the fact that bad things always seem to take place on birthdays in Scripture. On Pharaoh's, his baker meets his end. (Gen. 40:20) Yochanan the Immerser is beheaded on Herod's. (Mat. 14:6) Another Herod is struck with a terminal disease for his arrogance. (Mk. 6:21) Iyov's children are killed when celebrating the birthday of one of them together. (Iyov 1:14)
And King Shlomoh, the wisest man who ever lived, says, "The day of death is better than the day of one's birth"! (Eccles./Qoheleth 7:1)
But this was in the context of one having made a worthy name for himself by that time, and does not mean death itself is better than birth. While putting candles on a cake for a birthday is indeed a pagan tradition, the birthday itself is not. People's ages are often given in Scripture, and to know how old one is, one must know when he was born.
Birthdays celebrate the maturing of the individual into an Israelite who is increasingly useful to his community.
Jewish tradition says that on the day someone is born, the heavens open up to let his soul come down, and on the anniversary of that day each year, they are especially open for him to cry out to YHWH in a special way, so he should bless others on his birthday. A former Chabad Lubavitcher Rebbe said, "Adults and small children should also be encouraged to invite their friends to their birthday gatherings …to encourage others to increase Torah and mitzvoth [righteous deeds]… For a human being birth is a joyous time. It is a time of fulfillment for the parents who were blessed with a son or daughter, and for the child himself/herself who came into existence. Therefore, when a person reaches maturity, each year on his/her birthday, it is appropriate to express gratitude to the Holy One, Blessed be He, the Giver of life… An individual's birthday can be utilized to strengthen and increase all aspects of Torah and mitzvoth, starting with the three pillars which uphold the world: Torah, prayer and charity…one should rejoice on a birthday and give thanks and praise to [Elohim] for giving him life…On a birthday one should review his life history and seek ways to improve the areas that need improvement through teshuvah [repentance]." (www.asknoah.org)
Adam and Chawwah were told from the beginning to "be fruitful and multiply". This is the first command given to humankind. (Genesis 1:28) Not until they sinned was much pain to be involved in the process. (Gen. 3:16 )
In Jewish lore, a woman is told not to look upon unclean things while she is carrying her child, but to focus on pure and holy things. One must remember that in Scripture a dog is considered very unclean, and while they may be useful outdoors for the sake of defense, having one in one's house and almost treated like a child would not have the most beneficial effect on the coming baby. During delivery, Jewish women recite specific psalms.
Obviously, a birth can occur on any day of the year, even the Sabbath! The first birth in Scripture is Qayin's (Gen. 4), and some notable and even miraculous births were those of Yitzhaq (Gen. 21:5-6), Shimshon (Judges 13), Shmu'el (1 Shmu'el 1), Yochanan the Immerser (Luke 1), and Yahshua (Luke 1-2).
Childbirth has always involved risks, and more so in ancient times. Rachel died in childbirth because of a breech birth (Gen. 35:17), and Eli's daughter-in-law went into premature labor and died from this.
In ancient times, midwives were often utilized to assist the mother in the birthing process. (Gen. 35:17; 38:28, and most notably Exodus 1:15-17) The father did not usually attend the birth (as seen in the case of Jacob at Binyamin's birth, and this tradition has continued among the Jewish community to this day). A special birthing stool was used so that gravity could assist in the birth as much as possible. This also allowed for a practice seen several times in Scripture in which a woman (e.g., Sarah, Leah, Rachel) who wanted to adopt a child who was being born would kneel in such a way that the baby would be "born on her knees" so the baby symbolically passed between her legs as if she had borne it herself. This was sometimes even done by a man, as in the case of Joseph when his grandson was being born. (Gen. 50:23) Jacob did something similar with Joseph's sons, though later in their lives. (Gen. 48:12)
The Torah states a particular number of days a woman is unclean then "in the blood of her purification" following the births of a boy or a girl, respectively. (Lev. 12:2-7) It also requires that when there is a sanctuary and priesthood, particular offerings are brought to them after one gives birth. (Lev. 12:6-8) The Renewed Covenant records the fact that Yahshua's mother obeyed both of these commands. (Luke 2:22-24) At Congregation Beth Lechem, YHWH has blessed us with many children. The father has attended most of the births, which increases our understanding of what the "birthpangs of the Messiah" are to be like, among other benefits. Festive meals are prepared for the family of the new mother after she comes home to minimize her need to exert herself during recovery. Our community calendar includes everyone's birthday, and we have parties for the children in which all families provide gifts.
Bar/Bat Mitzvah
Another rite of passage for Israelites is the bar or bat mitzvah (BAHT MITS-va) ceremony. It is considered a transition to adulthood--the age at which one can be held responsible to obey YHWH's commands in the Torah. Until recently it was only practiced in Jewish circles, but now other Israelites are adopting the tradition.
Let's get the terms straight from the start. Rabbi Jeffrey K. Salkin writes,
Bar and bat mitzvah is not a thing to be owned: "My son had his bar mitzvah last month." It is not an object to be acquired: "I got my bat mitzvah last week!" It is not an event: "Jonathan's bar mitzvah was a huge success." It is not a verb: "The rabbi bar mitzvahed my son."… Bar and bat mitzvah is what a young person becomes.
The terms bar or bat mitzvah mean "son" or "daughter of the commandment". Not "of the commandments", but a specific one, which really encompasses all the rest. Can we find a place where Moshe says, "This is the commandment…" ? Yes, in Deuteronomy 6:1, it is in the singular form in Hebrew. It continues on with the familiar Shema: "Hear O Israel, YHWH is our Elohim, YHWH is one. And you shall love YHWH your Elohim with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength." It is this that a child becomes a "son" or "daughter" of.
Today, the standard age at which girls have their ceremony is twelve, and boys, thirteen. This is because in terms of both mental and physical maturity, girls generally develop earlier. But it evolved from a much more varied tradition. In fact, the term bar mitzvahh did not appear until Talmudic times (200-500 C.E.), and in the Talmud it only appears twice. Prior to that, in Second Temple times, a boy who had completed his first Yom Kippur fast would go to the Temple to be blessed by the elders.
We can see an example of this when Yahshua went to the Temple at age twelve "after the custom of the feast" (Luke 2:42)--the first recorded time since right after his birth. When "the feast" is unspecified, it implies that it was at Sukkoth, which means it was right at his birthday, and just after Yom Kippur, so this fits very nicely with that Mishnaic tradition.
Many children at that time would go through one full festival cycle before being considered formally responsible to keep all the commandments. According to Rabbi Moshe ben Maimon in the twelfth century, an older term used for a similar concept was bar onshin, which, loosely translated, means one is now old enough to be held responsible for wrongdoing. Boys younger than thirteen would be called upon to read the Torah if they understood enough to observe the commandments. Until 1200 C.E., a minor was permitted to wear t'fillin if he knew how to treat them respectfully. Sometime between 1300 and 1500, it was determined that thirteen was the youngest at which a boy could be considered part of a minyan, a quorum of ten needed to hold a formal prayer session. After the 17th century, someone of bar mitzvah age was permitted to lead prayer services. During the Spanish Inquisition, when many outwardly converted to Catholicism to save their lives, a boy was told secretly at age thirteen about his Jewish heritage. At this age a Jewish boy was considered old enough to be legally married and own property.
The idea of a formal bat mitzvah did not begin until twentieth-century America with the daughter of Mordecai Kaplan, the founder of the Reconstructionist Movement.
Jewish traditions vary according to the synagogue. Some things that are nearly universal are calling the child up to a platform called a bimah ("BEE-ma") from which he reads from a Torah scroll in Hebrew, after up to a year's study which oftem includes a visit to the Land of Israel. Often the child is encouraged to give tz'daqah (charitable contributions) as part of his preparation. The ceremony is held on the Sabbath closest to his birthday in his own synagogue, or if he is not a regular member of one, a synagogue that has the greatest significance in his family's tradition. Blessings are pronounced over the child, and he is expected to give a speech about some aspect of the Torah portion from which he has read. He often lays t'fillin and receives his first tallith (prayer shawl). A festive dinner follows, in which he is lavished with gifts. Sad to say, often the party has degenerated into a competition for how extravagant a bar mitzvah a family can afford to give their children.
Also, many Jews today, upon the recognition that they are now on their own to choose their path, leave the Torah behind upon reaching bar mitzvah age--the exact opposite of the intent. But based on the suggestion in Psalm 90:10 that a standard lifetime is 70 years, some people who have strayed from Torah but returned in their older years hold a bar or bat mitzvah ceremony at age 83 or 82, respectively, since this is the "second time" they are twelve or thirteen years old! What a beautiful demonstration of repentance.
At Beth Lechem, we celebrate bar and bat mitzvahs at the common age when possible. Some people who entered a Torah lifestyle later than that still have this ceremony done, especially those who are still in their teenage years.
We follow many of the other traditions mentioned above, with the emphasis in the charge being that all who are present as witnesses are therefore responsible to ensure that the commitment made here is upheld by the whole community. Usually a new name is conferred on the adolescent, especially if they do not have a Hebrew name. If they already do, a new "middle" name is usually added as well. The congregational leader provides a theme passage from which the reading and teaching will come, and if he is physically able the initiate carries a large Torah scroll to the place where he will read from it.
His or her parents and others tell what this person has meant to them, and we often have a slide show chronicling the child's life, especially since they joined the congregation. Decorations are according to a theme such as the person's favorite color(s) or the meaning of her name, such as palm trees for a girl named Tamar (which means "a date palm"). When it fits the setting, the congregation's worship band plays live music selected by the bar or bat mitzvah. Gifts often consist of reference books which will help in his or her study of the Torah.
Weddings
A wedding is called a khatunah (ha-too-NAH) in Hebrew. This really means "the becoming of in-laws".
Yahshua did his first miracle at a wedding, even though it was earlier than he intended for his identity to be public. The Jewish wedding in his day (probably dating as far back as the united kingdom and even before the events at Mt. Sinai) has many pictures of Yahshua's second coming.
It came in 2 stages: The first was betrothal--something like an engagement today, but much more binding; it required a divorce to break. It was not just a choice made between the man and woman in question (though she could turn him down if she wished), but a contract entered into with the bride's whole family--in particular, her father and brothers, as we see in the story of Avraham's servant going to bring Rivqah (Rebekah) back to Yitzhaq (Isaac). The suitor would not go empty-handed to ask for her hand; he would need to prove to her family that he was capable of supporting her, and he had to compensate the family in a fair way for the labor that she would no longer provide for her father's household. The "bride price" was not so much a purchase as a form of "life insurance" so she would be provided for in case he should die and she had no sons to care for her, or in case he should decide to divorce her. The father kept the bride price, but it was supposed to be kept for the woman's use. (Lavan did not follow this custom with Yaaqov's wives!)
At the betrothal, the groom would tell the bride, "I am going to prepare you a place; then I will come again for you." At the betrothal (the first stage of marriage), a groom set the bride apart unto himself, then went home to make preparations for the home in which they would live together. They are married, but he cannot take possession of her until he does his part. She cannot go and marry someone else in the meantime; she is his in every way except physically. An unspecified amount of time later, the second stage was the full marriage.
When Yahshua told his disciples, "In my Father's house there are many chambers; I am going to prepare a place for you; I will come again to receive you to myself..." (John 14), he was quoting directly from the wedding liturgy. Interestingly, the Song of Solomon is part of the Passover liturgy, and Yahshua said these words right as Passover approached.
A bride is considered a queen on her wedding day. In ancient times, a town would make a bridal crown and lend it to the bride for the ceremony and feast. The groom must therefore prepare a bridal suite fit for a queen, and it was his father who would judge when it had reached the point of suitability. When Yahshua said "No man knows the hour or the day, but only the Father", he was alluding to this custom. When the groom's father said all was ready, the groom would go abduct his bride with little forewarning, though the general time was known. There are many allusions to this in Yahshua's parables about his return. The groom would be met on the way by ten virgins, who escorted him the rest of the way with lamps, as in Yahshua's parable. The reason for the lamps is that traditionally (as exemplified in Fiddler on the Roof), a Jewish wedding takes place right after the Sabbath is over at sundown.
The second ceremony was at his father's house. But the wedding feast for the whole community, which came after a seven-day "honeymoon" (mentioned in Yaaqov's wedding to Leah), took place in the bride's home, then they moved into their own home with the family of the groom. Sometimes, if one could afford it, the feast also lasted seven days. Some see there being seven years in the wilderness with Yahshua present with the whole camp of Israel before we retake the Land with him. (It will have to be at least one year, because a bridegroom is forbidden in Torah to go to war until a year after his wedding.)
There were two witnesses at the wedding. Both were male, but neither was a close relative. One brought the bride; the other, "the friend of the bridegroom", later listened at the bedroom door for the groom's shout that the wedding was consummated, and announced this to the guests to increase their rejoicing. The marriage was now complete. Yochanan (John) the Immerser referred to himself as this friend (Yochanan 3:29).
Two witnesses will again testify shortly before Yahshua's return. (Zech. 4; Rev. 11) The signs they use to validate their authority are exactly the things Moses and Elijah did. These two men personify the Torah and all the prophets. Yahshua said the Torah and prophets bore witness of Him. Moses brought Israel (the bride) to meet Yahweh at Sinai, and John introduced the Bridegroom--"Behold, the Lamb of Elohim!" The place where Moses died also appears to be the same place the chariot (linked with a wedding litter in the Mishnah) "swung low" for Elijah and where Yahshua met them both at His transfiguration!
In its ancient form, with a domed roof, the khuppah (canopy or covering under which the bride and groom are married) depicts Mt. Sinai, the "canopy" under which Yahweh's bride, Israel, assembled when He gave Moses the Torah ("instruction"), which was the ketubah (written contract) like the one we still read in the ceremony. Deut. 4:11 actually says they assembled "UNDERNEATH the mountain"! Tradition says it was lifted up, and the whole community of Israel walked under this huge "khuppah".
Modern Jewish weddings preserve remnants of some of these elements. Instead of the full consummation just after the ceremony, the bride and groom go alone to a secluded room to eat their first meal together undisturbed. Instead of a dome-shaped khuppah, the four posts are simply covered with a tallith (prayer shawl) or even just a sheet, though the ancient form has been revived recently. The bride and groom are lifted up on chairs and spun around amid dancing as a reminder of the ancient aperion, a sedan chair in which Solomon's bride rode. (Again, this has been revived by Levite Re'uven Prager.) And the bride and groom do not see each other for a week prior to the wedding as a remembrance of the practice of his going away to prepare a home for her.
The central aisle is a reminder of the pattern of ancient covenants, when the parties walked together between the halved bodies of animals sacrificed to sanctify the occasion. Only the groom makes the vows, to show that He is initiating the covenant, as when YHWH put Abraham to sleep (Gen. 15). The bride's response of silence is the deepest expression of acceptance.
Wine symbolizes both sanctification unto one another, and joy.
A glass is smashed by the foot of the groom during the ceremony as a melancholy note in the middle of the joy, to serve as a reminder of the destruction of the holy Temple in Jerusalem and that we are still in exile. Yet this offers hope that as the couple are married, things will be further set in order, and that the fruit of their union--their children--will help move us all toward the rebuilding of the Temple. It is also both a symbol of not only the fragility of marriage but also the irreversibility of this act: we cannot return to our former separate lives once we enter this holy union.
The bride encircling the groom seven times pictures her building a wall around him, both to form a home within them and to keep rival loves out. This correlates with the t'fillin with which we bind ourselves with love to YHWH.
Even if there is no ceremony, if a man and a woman come together and live together, they are
In ancient times and in a few isolated Jewish communities outside of Israel today, polygamy has been practiced. While this is not forbidden by Torah, there are some restrictions placed on those who do this. (Lev. 18:18, etc.) One must be able to provide for multiple wives adequately and it must be in the context of people who have grown up in such a setting, or there will only be problems, as seen with Leah and Rachel. Yahshua said that divorce, while allowed by Moshe "because of the hardness of [some people's] hearts", was not the ideal YHWH intended. He points to Adam and Chawwah as the norm. (Matthew 19:8) Marriage is meant to be for life. Despite Chawwah's involving Adam in so much trouble and despite the problems they had with the loss of two sons, Adam never divorced Chawwah, and does not appear to ever have taken another wife. When he said, "This is at last bone of my bone…", this was a "wedding ceremony".
If a man divorces his wife after the second stage of marriage, they can never remarry (Deut. 24), but if the divorce comes in the first stage, he can take her back if she has not married another in the interim. This shows how Yahweh could withdraw from His betrothed, Israel, for "two days", then return. (Hosea 5:15-6:2)
At Congregation Beth Lechem, we dress in ancient garb for weddings, use a khuppah, and the bride and groom are announced as they arrive. Everyone is reminded that they are witnesses responsible to uphold the marriage, and we have a festive meal. If someone was not able to have a Hebraic wedding the first time, we have a recommitment ceremony on a significant anniversary.
The Anniversary of One's Death
The final custom we will discuss is that of marking the anniversary of the death of a loved one (parent, sibling, child, or spouse), called a yahrzeit or sometimes yohrzeit in Yiddish (based on a German word for "a year's time" or "time of year"). It has been practiced in this form by the House of Judah at least since the sixteenth century. That this is often emphasized more than birthdays may stem from King Solomon's comment that "the day of death is better than the day of one’s birth"! (Eccles./Qoheleth 7:1)
Themes of the yahrzeit are respect for the dead, the acceptance of the reality of death, the responsibility of the community to support the bereaved, the venting of emotions, and remembrance.
Because of the differences between the Hebrew and Gregorian calendars, the yahrzeit falls on a different Gregorian day each year. A candle designed to burn for 24 hours is lit in the evening as the yahrzeit begins. One candle is lit per household. Where safety is an issue, some now use electric bulbs. Some people keep a lamp lit for a whole year following the death of the loved one. (In Israel, candles are also lit for the same purpose on the Holocaust and military memorial days.) The reason for the candle is based on Proverbs 20:27, which says, "The spirit of a man is the lamp of Yahweh." As a flame is never still, but constantly strives upward, a flickering candle is a reminder of the soul of a loved one. One may even light lamps at the tomb or at a memorial plaque in the synagogue, but it is chiefly done at home.
In stricter households, the mourner will fast, unless the day falls on a joyous holiday. On the previous day, however, one might have a celebratory meal in which he ceremoniously completes the study of a particular portion of the Talmud or Mishnah.
The eldest son, or a close relative (or even a professional) if the person had no sons, recites the Mourner's Qaddish ("CODD-ish") that evening and in the morning and afternoon prayer services. The Qaddish is a short blessing that says:
May His great name be magnified and set apart in the world that He has created as He willed. May He give reign to His Kingdom in your lifetimes and in your days, and in the lifetimes of the entire family of Israel, swiftly and soon! Now respond, 'Amen'!
Let His great name be blessed for ever and to the ages of ages. Blessed, praised, glorified, exalted, extolled, mighty, upraised, and lauded be the name of the Holy One, blessed be He, beyond any blessing or song, praise or consolation that are uttered in the world! Now respond, 'Amen'!
May there be abundant shalom from heaven and life upon us and all Israel!
Now respond, 'Amen'!
He who makes peace in His heights, may He make peace upon us, and upon all Israel.
Now respond, Amen!
This is accompanied by a prayer that acknowledges Yahweh as the true judge of what is best, to publicly inspire others to praise Yahweh, and Psalms 121, 130, and 142 in particular are recited. During synagogue services for the next several weeks or months, mourners say the Qaddish. Another special prayer called the Yizkor ("May He remember...") is recited with a minyan (quorum of 10 men over the age of 13) in the synagogue four times throughout the next year—on the last day of Hag HaMatzah, on Shavuoth, Yom Kippur, and the last day of Sukkoth. It often includes a pledge to give charity. Among Ashkenazi (European) Jews, those who have both parents still living leave during the first part of the Yizkor in order to bless them with a long life.
Yahrzeits of all the major patriarchs have been identified (e.g., David's is on Shavuot, as alluded to in Acts 2:29-34), as well as those of many rabbis and sages, and when the location of their grave is known, it is visited by the pious on this date, since the merit of this person is thought to carry more weight in heaven on the day they were received into the Kingdom--an idea similar to praying in Yahshua's name. This has nothing to do with contacting the dead. Yahweh remembers Avraham as His friend, and praying at his tomb is more than just a way of honoring him; it is a portal of sorts. A similar concept can be illustrated by the experience of someone known to our congregation who went to the same site where Hannah, the mother of Shmu'el the prophet, prayed for a son, for the purpose of praying that their daughter, who had been barren up to that point, would conceive. This prayer was answered.
Closely associated with this subject is that of mourning in general. In ancient times, it was traditional to tear one's clothing upon hearing the news of the death of someone you loved. Nowadays, reminders of this are practiced. The orthodox cut the left lapel (closer to the heart) off their suit, and non-orthodox may cut off a necktie or wear a button with a torn black ribbon. These all express the fact that someone has been lost from our lives until the resurrection. Many do not even change the torn clothes for the whole seven initial days of intense mourning. If they do change, they tear or cut the clothing into which they change as well. Guests visit the mourner (an ancient custom evidenced in Yochanan/John chapter 11) during these seven days--called "sitting shiv'a" (Hebrew for seven) to offer condolences and reminisce about the departed; it is quite improper to speak about oneself at such a visit.
A body is buried on the day of death if possible, so that one does not need to embalm like the Egyptians did, and one has much less occasion to become unclean from the corpse. It also shows respect for the person who died to not allow his body to decay before being given a decent burial. Exposing the dead body to view is considered disrespectful, stemming from the fact that in ancient times, displaying a dead body allowed one's enemies to gloat over its helplessness. (1 Chron. 10:12; Isaiah 14:20; Jeremiah 22:19) Where laws require the use of a funeral home, there are Jewish "benevolence societies" that arrange to have the body dealt with only by Jews, often having a room in the funeral home exclusively for their use.
While the Torah prescribes certain steps to take if one becomes ritually unclean because of touching a corpse (Numbers 19:11-20), nonetheless, in ancient times it was the family that prepared the body for burial. The eldest son would normally be the one chiefly responsible for the burial. Thus we see that ritual uncleanness is not a sin, but rather can even be a deep way of sacrificing oneself to honor his relatives. Only the high priest is forbidden to carry out this role because of the extreme degree of set-apartness that his position required. (Lev. 21:10-15) Lower-ranking priests have some restrictions as well. (Lev. 21:1-9)
Mourning continues at least thirty days (a complete cycle of the moon), and the mourner does not cut his hair during this time, or get married, or attend festive religious meals. (This, of course, cannot include those commanded by the Torah.)
Those mourning a parent--one who is responsible for one's very existence--extend the mourning in some ways for eleven more months, so that the period of mourning lasts a whole year. This is why the yahrzeit tradition originated--so that one knows when to end this special period.
In ancient times, while the Temple stood, there were three southern gates to the Temple. One of them was designated for entering the Temple complex, the other for exiting, so that traffic through the Temple grounds would be more orderly. However, mourners were an exception to this rule. They would enter by the exit and exit by the entrance, assumedly wearing special clothing (or possibly just torn garments) so that others would notice them and offer the deserved condolences to them.
The Qaddish carries on this idea. Notice that it says nothing about one's loss or any need for sustenance that may result from the bereavement. Like the ancient custom, it is not about oneself, but because this person has Yahweh’s ear in a special way at this time, it is a time when he can in a unique way bless all of Israel. One receives special favor from Yahweh during his time of bereavement, this being the only time in his life when he truly loses something. If he lost a house or a donkey or a plow or a car, these could be replaced, but he will never get the contact with this other soul back in this life. He is therefore in a special position to bring even more than usual blessing to others.
It is not a Jewish custom to place flowers on a grave. There is a custom (made more widely known by the film Schindler's List) of placing a flat stone on the tomb of a person someone did not know. This is based on the more ancient practice of building a mound of stones over a grave, partly as a memorial (compare Genesis 35:19-20) and partly so people would avoid walking over it and incurring ritual impurity, especially if they were going up to the Temple. In those days, adding a stone would actually preserve the integrity of a grave, preventing its erosion. (Another common practice paid for by the Temple treasury was to whitewash the outside of caves along the roads to Jerusalem that were used as tombs, so that no one would take shelter in them during a sudden downpour, etc. Yahshua alluded to this in Matithyahu/Matthew 23:27.)
Thanks be to Yahweh that, while some of us have used the Mourner's Qaddish on some occasions when relatives have died, Beth Lechem has lost none of the immediate members of our community to the grave.
Click below to go to another Calendar event
11. The Added Fasts
An Introduction to the Hebrew Calendar
